Month: January 2017

Crankeverend — clearly on the path to either heaven or hell — it is anyone’s guess.  We are up to day 8 of the 12 daze of a Cranky Christmas.

In the 8th Daze of Christmas, Crankeverend is pondering: why is there still Ginormous food available — and food shows about eating Ginormous portions?

The beginning of every year is about trying to make changes in your life.  At least, there is a large portion of American society that is trying to improve their lives through exercise, diet, and quitting bad habits like smoking.  The number of commercials selling items like the “Peloton” and some hybrid “step/elliptical” machine have increased.  Oprah is pushing “Weight Watchers”.  And some schmuck in the Food Network is hosting a show called, drum roll……..”Ginormous Food”.  Here is a good example:

CR feels his arteries clogging just looking at this burger.  You would need ginormous hands to pick this burger up off the plate — and CR will not make any comment about the size of someone’s mouth needed to eat it.  The main question, my friends, is “Why?”  “Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?”  And that is CR’s heart begging for mercy.  In this age of conscientious eating, caring for the poor and feeding the hungry, how can anyone look at a meal like this and say “I deserve this?”  And yes, CR knows no one is going to tune in to watch a show called “Tiny Meal Nation” — but come on — “Ginormous Food” could be called “Gluttonous Nation” — “Heart Attack World” —  “Casket Nation”.

Now, is CR suggesting people are NOT FREE to eat what they want — to SPEND what they want — TO DO what they want?  Of course not…..CR just thinks there is no reason that people should go hungry in this day and age.  The reason people go hungry is because there is an unequal distribution and availability of affordable food for everyone.

Currently CR is sitting with CR’s wife and daughter watching “Guy’s Grocery Games”, and CR’s wife asked “I wonder how much food gets wasted from this show?”  For “Guy’s Grocery Games”, there is a set built within a 15,500 square foot warehouse that is stocked with more than 20,000 items of food.  Again, this is simply for entertainment purposes, and it makes a Cranky pastor wonder, how much food is thrown away?  Do they give food to shelters, food banks, other ministries that serve the hungry?  The Food Network reports that much of the food not used goes to local farmers, food banks, and charities.  Even a Cranky pastor can get behind that kind of giving.

So, CR says: go ahead and try to grab an eight pound burger and shove it in your mouth — just be sure to leave CR in your will.

Crankeverend………………puke!

Crankeverend has come back from “a long summer’s nap” just in time for Epiphany — and CR does not mean a revelation — in fact CR doesn’t read the book of Revelation often.  We are up to day 7 — the 12th day of Crankiness is almost upon us. So, with so much promise ahead of us all, let us get to the next gift of Christmas.

In the seventh daze of Christmas, CR got to pondering: who had a worse New Year’s Eve, Mariah Carey or Ohio State football?

“What was that?” CR pondered after the performance.  “How could you just show up, unprepared, and drop a goose egg like that?”  And then, to top it off, CR had to endure Mariah’s “lack of performance”.  Oh Ohio State, the bridesmaid of the selection committee, where art thou Romeo?  The only positive point to ponder this day is the possibility that the best football team to beat Alabama is probably Clemson — at least after their complete shut out against Ohio State.

And then, there is the lip sync performance that can only leave America speculating about another Russian hack job.  CR can see it now.  Vladimir Putin sitting in his spacious apartment, thinking to himself “What can we do next to make America shake in her boots?  I know, splatter the performance of a diva on New Year’s Rockin Eve.”  So many people tweeted last evening how someone from the “Rockin Eve” show would be fired due to the debacle over Mariah’s Lip Sync problem, but it seems Mariah felt it was no big deal. Still not sure if she was supposed to lip sync or if she was actually supposed to sing but couldn’t hear herself on the monitors on stage — either way it is no big deal for her — CR guesses she lives by the principle that any publicity is good.

There was nothing about Dick Clark’s Rockin Eve that CR enjoyed.  It was all a train wreck.  Complete, utter, fail.  CR looked at the clock and it was 11:59 pm and the television was showing a commercial.  CR thought to CR’s self, “How could they still be showing a commercial?”  “Where is Ryan Seacrest?  Maybe he is on the phone talking Urban Meyer off a cliff ledge.”  And then, with all of thirty seconds to spare, they returned to the sinking of another year, the ship we will like to forget, 2016.  I understand in Ohio they dropped a football being eaten by a tiger.  Ouch!!!!

So, what do we have to look forward to in 2017?  CR is pondering that very thought this morning, the first Sunday in 2017.  What could possibly be on the horizon?  That is the beauty of a New Year.  We have everything to look forward to — some of the same old, same old — and a lot of possibility with hope and promise.  The opportunities for crankiness and surliness, successes and failures are endless.  Even a Cranky pastor can begin the new year with a smile — but that will only last so long!

Crankeverend………………….Happy New Year!