Month: January 2017

Crankeverend — well CR is already done with 2017, and there are 361 more days to go. We are up to day 10 of the 12 Daze of a HannuRamaCrankiMas.  It has finally turned cold and they are talking about some snow in Central Pennsylvania, which makes CR cranky — so it is good we are almost to the 12th day of Christmas — then CR can crawl back into his cave and hibernate for another four months.

In the 10th Daze of Christmas, CR was pondering: why did CR not grow up in a warmer climate?  It is always better to visit snow than co-habitate with it.

CR was listening to some schmuck on the radio the other day and he was going on and on about how it was 70 degrees where he lives, and later that weekend he was going to drive to the mountains to do some skiing.  It is CR’s opinion that everyone should live in a place where it is 70 degrees all year-long, and if you want to play in the snow, you just get in your car and drive 2 hours to visit the white devil.

CR used to like snow.  Like any kid, snow was fun when all you had to do was put on a snow suit and some snow boots and head to the closest hill with your sled.  That was fun.  Now, after shoveling not only CR’s driveway and sidewalk and four of CR’s neighbor’s driveways and sidewalks, snow is not so much fun.  It is a d*mn inconvenience.  CR is thinking the god’s were angry with CR and so determined that CR will be born to a family in Central PA — and make the winters miserable.  

If you notice the lyrics in “The Twelve Days of Christmas” there is no mention of “snowmen a dancin”, “ice skates a skatin”, or “snowplows a plowin”.  Nope.  Not one darn mention of anything even remotely cold weather — not snow geese, just geese — and French hens, swans and turtle doves. 

And then there is the darkness that envelops us — CR wakes up to darkness, and arrives home in darkness — drives to meetings in darkness — and still has not found that stinkin’ headlight retainer clip for CR’s car (which by the way CR thinks he has found one CR can order from a German auto parts warehouse in Walla Walla Washington — crazy).  That’s right — CR can’t go to his local German car dealer to get a $20.00 part — one made of cheap aluminum.  NO, he has to order the part from the other side of the country — thanks German car dealer.  

Oh well, the jury is still out on the hopes of 2017 for this cranky pastor.  Today is day five of 2017.  Join CR in singing (to the tune for 12 Daze of Christmas beginning with number 5):

three to five inches of snow (though who can tell with these mountains and valleys)             four hours of daylight, three parishioners in the hospital, two cars needing repairs,         and a par—doning of CR’s sins so far…………which are many since CR is a Cranky Reverend.

Crankeverend……………………………just remembered CR needs to borrow the neighbor’s snowblower, more schmoozing of the neighbors. 

Crankeverend — well CR is already done with 2017, and there are 362 more days to go.  We are up to day 9 of the 12 Daze of a HannuRamaCrankiMas.  So, since we are not getting any younger, let us proceed.

In the 9th Daze of Christmas, CR was pondering: If you are not careful, a new year can make you feel like you were hit by a train — and CR is apologetic to anyone who lost a loved one to an unfortunate train incident.  

Three times it has happened to CR — three times in CR’s ministry Christmas Day, and New Year’s Day have fallen on a Sunday. Now that may not seem like a big deal to you folks, but for pastors it seems to be some violation of protocol.  Granted, what better day to be in church than on Christmas, the second most important day in the life of a Christian; and on New Year’s Day, the 364th most important day of the year for a Christian.  Yes, Christmas Eve is special – it is luminous, it is spectacular, it is liminal — time stands still on Christmas Eve while we sing “Silent Night” and bask in candle light.  But Christmas Day — well on this day we can marvel at the babe in the manger — Emmanuel — G-d with us.  However, after getting to bed late, late, late on Christmas Eve, the pastor seems to be running just on fumes.  CR feels like a truck ran him over while dragging a plow behind.  

And then there is New Year’s Day.  Funny, Christmas Eve and New Year’s Eve really don’t have anything in common, except to be a part of the plan requires staying up to watch a celebrity “melt down” and the Tiffany encrusted ball “drop down” while a million people in Time’s Square wish they could find a bathroom.  That is why they are all jumping up and down — either because they have to go number one or two, or they are tired in stepping in number three — the combination of numbers one and two.  So getting up on New Year’s Day again feels like that truck thing again, except the truck is now a train and that plow it is dragging behind is a cow masher.  And yet, what better way to begin a new year than to be in church — lifting up prayer, praise and thanksgiving to G-d — even if it is while being in a groggy state of mind.  

So here CR sits, on January 3, and that train that hit CR was a full-blown coal train with about a hundred cars — that’s just how CR feels.  But it will get better — there are some positive signs out there: the Republicans decided not to gut the Ethics Committee — not sure that committee would have found any ethics in the congress anyway — we might just be days away from a certain president-elect being dropped by Twitter — Lane Kiffin was fired by Alabama no matter what Kiffin says about quitting because he wasn’t able to focus on telling the quarterback to hand the ball off instead of throwing it out of bounds — and it’s raining in California.  It is a “Festivus” Miracle — time for the “Airing of Grievances” and “Feats of Strength” — just let CR catch a nap until February.

Crankeverend……………….who moved the Festivus Pole?