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This week, as Crankeverend (CR) was getting ready for work one day, he watched a clip from the lead-up to the New Hampshire primary.  The clip was a sound bite of a speech from Marco Rubio.  In the clip, you heard Marco make a statement – and in the next sentence he repeated the exact same line that he had just said — like an LP (that is an album for those of you under the age of 30) that suddenly skips.  Apparently Marco has memorized a script that he repeats at each event where he speaks on his presidential tour, and in that moment he lost his place, and so repeated the line.  It is a metaphor for the entire presidential race – at least that is what CR thinks.  It is a repeat of the same old thing — different people saying the same kinds of things — like a record that is skipping — and no one cares to pay much attention because they expect nothing new.

This is probably why Donald Trump and Bernie Sanders are doing so well early in the primary season — they appear not to be the same old thing (even a bit crass sometimes) – not political insiders (so they say) – not a part of the Democratic or Republican “establishment”.  Whereas, Chris Christie, Marco Rubio, Ted Cruz, Hillary Clinton and Jeb Bush all represent that inside establishment – and they are struggling to get their message across to Americans.

Presidential races bring out the crankiness in Crankeverend — and he would rather wallow in his crankiness than listen to the din of promises candidates make, but can’t keep.  And the character attacks (that go over as well as Crankeverend’s jokes do at the 8:00 am service) simply seek to lower everyone to the lowest common denominator.  But CR knows he must put his crankiness aside — CR has to care about this presidential race, just like you must care about this presidential race.  Too many people believe that their voice will never be heard, that their vote just doesn’t matter, and that politicians just do not care.

Why must politicians make grandiose promises that the discerning American should realize that they just cannot keep?  For example, I have heard the promise that if a candidate is elected, he or she will do away with the IRS or fundamentally change the Social Security System, or single handedly dismantle “Obama-Care”, or halt the entrance of all Muslims into the country for “an indefinite amount of time”.  Do they make these promises just to get our attention?  Or, do they really believe they will be able to achieve such promises?  And why does Ted Cruz always look like he is squinting in the sun?

Crankeverend is a little jealous of the people who live in the state of Iowa and New Hampshire – even South Carolina.  These states receive so much attention from the candidates because of the power of the state’s caucuses and primaries.  These three states will most likely determine who will have to quit their candidacy, and who will continue on to their respective convention.  Crankeverend lives in Pennsylvania — this primary is in May.  By the time CR votes in the primaries, the pool of candidates will have been severely diminished — and there will be few opportunities to see and listen to a candidate at a venue close to where CR lives.  And this makes Crankeverend even more cranky — we call this democracy — and yet three states have so much power?  Who devised such a system?  Oh, right, we did.  

So as citizens of this country, we have to care — and we have to get involved — and we have to find ways to listen to the promises and the ideas of each candidate to make an informed decision when it comes time to elections.  Why?  Because, the world needs fewer cranky people who refuse to be informed — and fewer cranky people who refuse to get involved.  And because, as Martin Luther stated, we live in two kingdoms — and they are not the kingdom of the “cranky” and the “non-cranky”.  Luther explains how God exercises his sovereignty over all men through two ‘governments’ represented by spiritual and secular authority respectively.  Luther emphasized the distinction between “things heavenly” and “things earthly,” righteousness before God and righteousness before fellow humans. This earthly kingdom includes the godly and the ungodly.  And as godly folks, we need to be a blessing to this earthly kingdom, by participating in the things citizens should participate.  When we do, we advance the things that are needed in this country — rule of law, separation of church and state, elections of leaders.

So, whether you are cranky or not, old or young, male or female — as difficult as it may be, we all need to be a part of the democratic process — and we all need to take some time to be informed.  That way, when someone is stumping for their candidate, and reuses her own quote stating “There’s a special place in hell for women who don’t help other women” — we can remember that the first time she said it, it was to empower women, and in the most recent use it was to shame women into voting for a female candidate in the New Hampshire primary.  And we can be aware that when history comes around to repeat itself, we better be careful — especially when misogyny and duplicity are standing on the same stump.  Ahhhhhhh, Crankeverend got a “word a day” calendar……

Crankeverend……Out!

Some people may wonder why I am a Cranky Pastor.  Well, I know that many in my family will say that I have been cranky most of my life, but there are reasons that Crankeverend is the way he is, some that go beyond the terrible stories of his life that are passed on from sibling to sibling, teacher to teacher in his high school, or congregant to congregant in the church he attended as a youth.  But here are a few examples from his days as a pastor that have made him the Crankastor he is today.

There was the occasion when Crankeverend (CR) was holding a bible study, on a Wednesday evening, like any good pastor should be doing (even the cranky ones). Out of the corner of his eye he sees his phone light up.  CR has the forethought to turn his ringer off, but leaves the phone on in case there is an emergency.  And in that spirit, CR sees that it is a member of the church calling.  He asks the bible study participants to read the next lesson, and he quickly tries to pick up the call, which he misses — and waits for the voicemail message to light up.  When CR listens to the message it states in part: “Crankastor, it’s me (name withheld to protect the innocent) and I am at the church finishing a meeting, not sure where you are, but here are some things you should know.”  With his crankiness rising, CR looks at his watch to see it is 7:35 pm.  What do the congregants think I am doing on a Wednesday evening from 7:00 to 8:00 pm?  Another notch in CR’s cranky belt.

Crankeverend was serving in a congregation, and being the new guy, he waited a long time before he suggested any significant changes to ministry or practice.  One of those first decisions was the bulletin.  I mentioned in another blog how the bulletin has morphed from a one page document to assist the congregation to maneuver their way through the hymnal, to a fourteen to eighteen page document that has printed in its pages the entire service (liturgy and hymns) to assist the congregation in avoiding a hymnal that is not easy to follow.  Crankeverend’s congregation was using the former — and it was time to transition to the later.  So, Crankeverend developed a trial bulletin that contained the entire service in its pages, and announced to the congregation that he put five copies of this trial bulletin in the back of the worship space for people to try.  This went on for a year — and no one used the expanded bulletin.  So, with his Cranky ego handed to him, he abandoned the idea.  Six months later the choir was attending a music workshop in a different Lutheran congregation and when they returned to the church they brought with them copies of the other church’s bulletin.  “Look Crankastor, this congregation puts the whole service in their bulletin, music and liturgy and hymns – everything.  Isn’t this a great idea?  Don’t you think we should do this?”  Crankeverend forced a grimace — cracked open his lips and said – “That is a great idea.  Can’t imagine why someone hasn’t thought of this before.”  Cranky muscles — hardening; cranky neurons — firing.

Finally, Crankeverend is supposed to take two days off throughout the week.  This is a real blessing to a cranky pastor, especially since most congregations only provide for one day off a week — and it better not be a Sunday.  Anyway, Crankeverend does not take two days off in a week, ever, and struggles to take at least one day off a week, and that day is Friday.  The church office is closed on Friday, so CR takes this day off as well.  And advertising that fact is fruitless, because here is a list of the kinds of calls CR receives on his day off.

“Crankastor, I know it is Friday.  Are you going to be in the office today?”

“Crankastor, I know it is your day off, but this is an emergency.  Did you know there is no water in the soda machine?”

“Crankastor, I’m sorry to call you on your day off, but did you know that (parishioners name deleted to protect the innocent) has been in the hospital for a month?  I would have told you weeks ago, but I figured you knew.  Anyway, they are wondering why you haven’t been in to see them.”

It is a blessing to be called as a pastor — I can’t imagine doing anything else — serving G-d, even with a “cranky faith” has brought real joy to my life…

Crankeverend…Out!