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Crankeverend (CR) was lucky in the fact that CR was able to get to know his grandparents fairly well before they passed from this life.  Not many people have that opportunity.  Crankeverend (CR) spent summer days with one grandfather, spent many overnights with the other set of grandparents, and in more recent times spent time with the last grandmother before she passed from this life.  The really endearing thing about this grandmother was her willingness to give her opinion about issues — the older she got, the less her filter worked — that filter we all have (some more than others) that keeps us from saying exactly what is on our minds.  She was not afraid to tell you if she thought you were getting fat, and to express her shock when you told her you were having “another” baby.  As CR watches the spectacle that is ongoing in the realm of politics today whether it is in the state of Pennsylvania, or nationally, CR keeps hearing his grandmother in his head.  So, here are two things CR thinks his grandmother would tell the  politicians if she had the opportunity.

Let’s begin locally, since CR is almost embarrassed to tell people that he lives in the state of Pennsylvania, with the budget impasse that has continued now some 200 plus days, and the spectacle that is occurring with the Attorney General’s Office.  If CR were to ask grandmother what she thought of the politicians in Pennsylvania, she would express “Oh my stars”.  Translated into the 21st century vernacular my grandmother would be telling them “WHAT THE H _ _ _ ARE YOU THINKING?”  What has moved our country and politicians today to the point where they take the attitude “I’m going to hold my breath until you agree with me.”?  I think the problem is we have a generation of politicians who were not raised in the era of the Great Depression, who were not forced to practice the “duck and cover” maneuver for the impending nuclear blast that would have disintegrated all kinds of kids hiding under desks all across our country, and therefore they have not lived in an era where everyone anticipated the end to come at any time, where people lived together with a collective concern for their ultimate demise, and have no idea what it means to compromise, or see the other’s point of view, because today all of us might see Jesus face to face — or as Jesus might say “Do you not fear G-d, for you are under the same condemnation” (Luke 23:40),and “Unless you repent you will all perish as they did” (Luke 13:5).  CR is really getting cranky with the inability of local politicians to put their egos aside and try to work together for the benefit of the commonwealth of Pennsylvania — and therefore writes long run on sentences to get out the crankiness.

But let’s speak of the spectacle that is happening nationally, in the Democratic and Republican primaries for the next POTUS election.  If I were go to my grandmother and ask her what she thought of last night’s debate between the remaining Republican candidates, she would simply say “Oh my lands”.  Again, translated into the 21st century vernacular, my grandmother is saying “Your mother should give you a dope slap for the way you are behaving.”  CR’s grandmother was a woman of few words, usually, but in the few words she spoke she said volumes.  Sort of like Jesus in the Gospel lesson appointed for this coming Sunday (3rd Sunday in Lent Year C Luke 13:1-9).  

Some people come to Jesus asking for clarity about actions that had happened on the steps of the Temple (Pilate killing people coming to worship G-d), and locally with the Tower of Siloam collapsing and killing eighteen people and probably injuring countless more.  People were suffering and dying, and they wanted some answers.  Jesus basically turns to them and says “Oh my stars….get a grip on reality”.  OK, so Jesus did not say that.  But he does say “..do you think they were worse offenders than all the others living….?”  In other words, Jesus is telling them that those who were killed — both through violence and others by sheer “bad Karma” —  well it was too late for them — but for the rest of you, do you have your spiritual and your domestic house in order?  Quit arguing with one another, quit pointing fingers, quit seeing the speck in the other person’s eye and realize that we live on this planet together and no one is better than another.  “Oh my stars — WHAT THE H _ _ _ ARE YOU ALL THINKING?  No, Jesus would not have sworn at them, but “Oh my lands” he sure wanted to give some dope slaps once in a while, don’t you think? 

There isn’t much that CR, you, my grandmother if she were still alive bless her soul and all of my grandparent’s souls, there isn’t much that we can do about the random events of this life, like bridges collapsing, or volcanoes exploding, or tornadoes that wreak havoc on towns all across our country.  But we can do something about the acts of violence, the roadblocks in our political highways and bi-ways across this land, and the inattentiveness of most people to care about what is happening.  How about we begin by learning to walk together into the future — one that should be forged by love, instead of condemnation — hope, not blame — and grace, not judgment.  Until we can learn to love one another, remove our egos from the playing field, and learn to listen to one another instead of shouting each other down, then CR will continue to hear his grandmother saying “Oh My Stars”.  And Crankeverend agrees, grandmother — “What the H _ _ _ are they thinking?”

Crankeverend……Oh My Stars! 

So, Crankeverend (CR) wants to understand something about your church attendance.  When Easter and Christmas roll around, you go to church because it is tradition.  You find that your experience with Easter and Christmas are not complete without having that time in the Nave (though you have no idea what part of the church the Nave is, do you?)  Christmas and Easter are so steeped in tradition, probably hearkening back to generations that have been long dead in your family and traditions that you have no idea who started them, that during these seasons you must be in church.  So, CR wants to know why?  It is a legitimate question for a cranky pastor to ask — if it is so important to be in church on a High Holy Day, then why not every week, when the rest of the days of your life are probably filled with holes?

Hang with Crankeverend here — when you go to the dentist, you go two times a year, right?  Your dentist plan allows you to see your dentist — so you schedule a cleaning twice a year, and have the opportunity to show them you have flossed and brushed twice a day.  And, most of you go, to the dentist, twice a year.  You hope that this is enough for you to ward off plaque and the development of cavities (maybe).  But two times a year is all the dentist requires.  CR wants to know why you believe attending church two times a year is enough to ward off the devil?  This cranky reverend wants to know why you believe that going to church two times a year, or even one time a month is enough to keep your spiritual fires burning so that you can endure the calamities of this world?  

OK, this is where CR  gets on CR’s soap box and takes off his left shoe and begins to pound the pulpit.  When there is a death in your family, your grandmother dies, your co-worker is killed in a car accident or drops dead of a heart attack, or when there is a crisis in the world, like what happened on September 11, 2001, did you go to your dentist and cry out “Dr. Killjoy, give me some comfort because I am sad?”  “Dr. Killjoy, will you help my family, pray for my colleague, and guide and protect my family?”  “Dr. Killjoy, will I see my mother again?”   NO!!!!!!  You did not go to your dentist — you ran to your church, or any church, and wanted to hear words of comfort about a G-d who might care enough to provide strength to meet the troubles you were/are facing.

And yet, you treat your faith life like you treat your Gingivitis — you go twice a year and maybe rinse your mouth with some holy water once in a while. CR really is asking for some guidance here, because CR is just a little cranky with those who believe that attending church is more of a bother and just another thing to junk up their schedule, than it is a life-sustaining, life-producing, life-enriching, life-enhancing, life-saving presence.  

How is it that when you get that promotion, or your children get good jobs, or you are able to buy that bigger house, you have no time to thank G-d for the blessings that have come to you?  Where did the opportunity for you to reap some blessings — where did that come from?  Just from your work and your hands, right?  So you think…..  So, CR wants to know why, when it all falls apart, when it all comes crashing down, when all  H _ _ _ seems to be colliding with your life, why then do you turn to the church — or to G-d?  If it isn’t G-d’s hands that provide you the blessings, then it isn’t G-d’s place to give you answers when you can’t provide any on your own accord.  Right?  Wrong?  Do you Know?

Or, why is it that so many people come to the doors of the church, so many churches around CR, asking for help — help for gas, help for food, help for rent, help for surgery, help for baby formula, help for car repairs — and then become indignant when we ask them “Where do you attend church?”  “How much has your community of faith helped you — so we can match what they have given you?”  Most of the time CR looks at the paper (one sheet) that we ask folks to complete, asking for some information, and the line where we ask for the name of the community of faith to which they belong is blank.  They have no time to attend a church, but yet they turn to the church time and time again for help.  And if they are turned away, they accuse the church saying “You don’t care”.  But we do care.  We care enough that we don’t just want to give you a fish, we want to introduce you to the Fisherman (Jesus) who never throws back the fish he catches (that means YOU – Jesus is not a catch and release fisherman); who provides a meal each and every week if you come to the table; who not only does not throw back the fish he catches but wants to teach you how to catch fish as well.  But too many people want only a fish taco given to them, or want to come to a fish fry twice a year, or who are so desperate will steal the fisherman’s pole, lures, and other fish while complaining that the fish he gave them is too small.

So, CR is absolutely cranky.  After a week of death and disasters, CR is cranky and feeling surrounded by people in white coats and masks telling him “this will only hurt a little” — and all he can do is wince in pain, gag and choke.   CR is feeling as if his calling to fish for people is fraught with sink holes and his quest to prevent “truth decay” is filled with root canals.  But, you see, CR knows that the Great Fisherman, Jesus, catches us when we feel as if we are sinking, and never lets us go — even if we only recognize his Fisherman’s Sovereignty on the same level as the Great Dental Plan in the sky.  But, CR knows he is not depending on his dentist for his salvation, for if he was, then he won’t be able to afford the co-pay.  Thank G-d the Fisherman, Jesus, offers all of us a free meal every Sunday — and in some places, every day.  That is a table CR wants to go to often — it is a meal CR needs every day.  My friends, don’t turn your faith life into a dental plan — because the devil wants to rot away your trust, your hope, your love, and your faith.  Come to the banquet — all is ready — all are welcome…     

Crankeverend…..Out!