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Crankeverend is back from the dead to give us the 12 Daze of Christmas.  We are up to day number 2.  

In the second daze of Christmas the world gave to CR, commercials that have no connection to reality.  “C’Mon Man” — why does CR have to watch until the final credits to know what the H*ll someone is trying to sell?  Since when have advertising executives decided to make commercials eligible for The Oscars? (trademark notation here — some snarky person will probably tell CR there are awards for commercials so your mention of the Oscars is just a cheap shot at the shallowness of America, which you are right)  Anyway, CR is getting really tired of playing the guessing game during the commercial.  

Here is an excellent example.  Recently CR and his wife Mrs. CR were watching a football game when a commercial came on showing two children reciting a Shakespearean play, something called “Romeo and Juliet”.  At the very end of the commercial we learned it was a commercial for the “I Phone 7” (full disclosure — the “I” stands for “I don’t care”).

Another example: two people are making out on the beach, in the car, on the subway, in various states of undress, and right before the very end, one of the breathless actors says something like “Dior” (trademark notation here — CR is not endorsing any product that has a clothing budget of less than $200)  CR pines for the days when you knew from the beginning what was being sold so you could turn the volume down right away and not suffer brain damage from the attempt to lower your IQ by advertising executives.  And someone tell CR why everyone is dancing in commercials?  Selling furniture — people dancing.  Selling clothing — people dancing.  Selling a car — people dancing.  Selling a local detox program — people dancing.  Why are all of these people so happy they need to dance to try to sell CR something?

Here are a few suggestions from CR for positive changes in the television commercial industry:

1. stop dancing.  No one is that happy.  No one dances when they find the right curtains to put in their house.  Knock off the dancing.  It’s embarrassing.
2. bring back the “Where’s the Beef?” lady (CR knows she is dead so there is no chance to bring her back, and if you are too young to know what CR is talking about, Google it).  
3. stop using the “All Right, All Right, All Right” guy in any commercial — he’s creepy.  
4. use more people who look like CR – short, bald and pudgy — regular people are perfect.
5. no one is as happy as the people on Macy’s commercials — or as thin — or as tall — or as perky — or as…….
6. If advertisers want to get the average American’s attention, here is the kind of commercial that sells products in America – SNL commercial

Is it too much to ask for the actors in a commercial to announce the name or class or some identifying information about the product at the beginning of the commercial so CR has a clue what they are selling?  Please?  Look, as soon as the commercial shows anyone who is not at least average looking, with average people’s problems concerning weight, height, discretionary income, and gastrointestinal problems, CR has already tuned out.  If you let CR know ahead of time what CR won’t be interested in buying anyway, we will all live happier and gassier lives.

Crankeverend…………I’m sorry, I already don’t care!  And stop dancing….geez!

Crankeverend has been on a hiatus for 6 months, there was too much joy in his life to share his thoughts. But Christmas 2016 has come and sure as “Bob’s your uncle” (whoever Bob is) his joy has also taken a hiatus. CR finds that there usually are plenty of events that congeal around the world this time of year to remind him that this is not the “Hap Hap Happiest” time of the year. So Crankeverend is here to share with you:

2016’s “12 Daze of Christmas”

In the first Daze of Christmas the world gave to CR, 41 people shot and 11 killed in Chicago between December 23 and December 25. Nothing says Merry Christmas more than going out to a Christmas Eve party and getting gunned down because a friend or family member is wearing the wrong color shirt — or is friends with someone from a rival gang.

Many of those attacked were attending parties with family and friends when rival gang members came ‘A Calling’ with the seasonal music of bullets whizzing through the air. According to The Chicago Times One man was shot multiple times on the steps of “Apostolic Labor of Love Church” where a pool of blood could still be seen on the steps of the church.  This is not what Christians mean by the “blood of Christ” although Christians are not without blood on our hands in centuries past — but that is another post for another time.

Merry Christmas America: while Santa was going house to house hoping he wouldn’t get tazed or shot, some Americans took it upon themselves to mete out a little “street justice”. It was the custom, you know in the olden days of The Civil War, that everything including hostilities during wars stopped in and around the 25th of December. No more! Now we can look forward to stores open until well after midnight on Christmas Eve, other stores open on Christmas Day, and shooting our neighbor because their Christmas lights are too bright, or Johnny across the street looked at me the wrong way, or the “A**hole” in front of you was driving too slowly.

Of course, this is not what is at the heart of these events.  The anger and injustice that many people feel runs “deep and wide” as the old children’s song goes.

Deep and wide Deep and wide
There’s a fountain of blood flowing deep and wide
Deep and wide Deep and wide
There’s a fountain of blood flowing deep and wide

Here’s another “happy” story to fill your queasy brain from the “Newser” website:

A fatal heroin overdose is almost commonplace these days. And news of a couple overdosing together isn’t so unusual, either. But a case in Pennsylvania has just added another layer of tragedy to the surge in ODs. Police in Kernville say a man and woman died of a likely heroin overdose in their home—and because they weren’t immediately found, their infant daughter died a few days later of starvation and dehydration in her crib, reports the Tribune-Democrat. The victims are identified as Jason Chambers, 27, Chelsea Cardaro, 19, and Summer Chambers, 5 months. All three bodies were found Thursday, Chambers in the downstairs living room, Cardaro in an upstairs bathroom, and Summer in her upstairs crib, reports WJAC. Authorities think the baby lived for three or four days after her parents died.

My friends, CR would like to hide himself behind scripture like “Weeping will last the night, but a shout of joy comes in the morning” but CR knows this is becoming more and more a crisis in America.  And CR knows there are no quick fixes.  CR knows it will take more than rhetoric to change years and years of poverty, unequal justice, disproportional opportunity, and religious dis-indoctrination to bring about any possible change.  We need to do more than just shouting right now — we need to find ways to take action because it is Christmas morning and many people woke up to very little joy.  

Let me share with you one of my favorite writings by Kaj Munk from Four Sermons:

“We wish one another Merry Christmas.  And we mean: may your Christmas goose be delicious–or your meatballs, if that is the best you can afford this year; may you have fuel to keep your house warm; may you have friends and loved ones about you; may your tree glitter in its wonted beauty and the hymns sound with their old power.  And may there, through it all, be one song in your heart: “My Jesus, I want to be where Thou alone wilt have me.”  Yes, but there are so many doubts and questions that spoil my Christmas joy.  Well, but who promised you joy?  It may be better that you have a poor Christmas.  Don’t be like the spoiled child and think of God as a great Santa Claus who has in His bag some sort of electro-magnet with which to give your brain cells such a shot that everything becomes gloriously clear to you, and that you can be happy, in harmony with yourself and the world.  My friend, perhaps your doctor can do that for you with a stimulant that will send the blood to the brain and clarify your mind so you see things in bright  perspective.  This has nothing to do with real joy.  True Christmas joy, no matter how much or how little of it you may comprehend, means that you have Christ, and that you go where He wants you to go.”

Maybe it is better that Crankeverend is a joyless pastor.  Maybe it is good that Crankeverend has not found that electro-magnet device to reorient CR’s brain cells to bring about clarity — because clarity is just not that simple.  In this case, it is going to take more than clarity — it is going to take divine intervention.  And CR knows that is not out of the realm of G-d’s plans — but G-d cannot do it alone.  CR knows it begins with people who care — and people who are not afraid.  And CR is here to remind you, right now, there is a lot to be afraid of — but if we are Christians, then we must ask “Jesus, where is it you want me to go?”  

Crankeverend…………………….is Back!