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Crankeverend has come back from the dead just in time for the “Time After Christmas”, the celebration CR is calling The 12 Daze of Christmas. We are up to day 4. Here we go…..

In the fourth daze of Christmas, CR ponders the dangers of Social Media.  Yes, CR is on social media to ponder the dangers of social media…..sounds almost cannibalistic, right?  On the exact forum that allows this cranky pastor to spout his drivel, CR will attempt not to step into something CR might regret.

Recently, a professor from Drexel Sent out a Tweet — (CR will not assume that everyone knows what a Tweet is, so here goes: it is a message anyone can send out on the Twitter platform) — and his tweet landed him in a pool full of……….  It made national news.  Here is the story if you want to read it.  CR will not mention the details of the tweet because if it was dangerous enough to land this professor in hot water, CR does not need the notoriety…..Drexel Professor Hit With Deluge of Death Threats  Full disclosure, CR did not force you to read the article……and anyway, CR often tells people who are not too bored to listen to him, that CR allows his wife to get her beautiful face on television, while CR attempts to keep CR’s sad face off the news.

There isn’t a day that goes by where someone posts something that is offensive to some group or individual and they either lose their job, receive a lot of death threats, or have to do a lot of gymnastics to back pedal from their posting.  Now CR realizes that there is this thing in America we call “Freedom of Speech”, but it seems that this freedom isn’t so freeing after all.  In the highly charged atmosphere that exists after the events of the previous 363 days we call 2016, CR believes everyone better think twice about what they are saying in any posting on any Social Media site — and you better go the extra mile and have someone read it before you post it — and do not have someone who “thinks just like you think” as your editor.  

So, what is a person to do who wants to rant and rave about their most recent issue or threat to their manhood or womanhood hoping it might go viral and win them some sort of HBO spin-off of “The Bachelor” — but who doesn’t want to be shamed by America?  How about this: Just Don’t!!!!  What CR has learned in the 54 years CR has walked upon this earth is — what often sounds funny in our heads —— isn’t – one – bit – funny.  CR’s kids are telling CR all the time “Dad, you are not funny.”  “Dad, I don’t get it.”  “Dad, don’t you have to go to church or something?”  Take the lady who tweeted something simple before hopping on a jet to fly to Africa, and she became the most hated person in the world for about — well — a loooooooong time!    Twelve words — and the world hates you. CR’s advice: just stick to telling jokes to your kids, your spouse, your closest friend — and if you want to tweet something, either get a good editor or…………. JUST DON’T DO IT!

Crankeverend……………..wait, CR’s wife isn’t done editing th………………..

Crankeverend continues to speak from the dead in CR’s newest compilation, the 12 Daze of Christmas, and we are now up to day 3.

In the third daze of Christmas, CR asked this question — is it true that everything is closed on Christmas morning — everything that is except the church?

Look, CR is all about Christmas — no matter how Joyless CR appears to be during the Christmas season.  If you do not know CR, then you do not know that CR is really, really tired of what the advertising industry has done to Christmas — they have turned it into a hedonistic revelry and worship of merchandise.  BOOM!  CR said it.  But in the ever increasing search for the almighty dollar, there are more and more businesses that are opening at some point in time on Christmas Day.  Christmas Day!  Christmas Day used to be the one day where no business was open, except the church.  Nothing was open — except people’s hearts (and wallets) in giving gifts to one another and making time for family and friends (oh, and did I mention THE CHURCH).  But, then there was one or two gas stations open because, you know, someone might need gas on Christmas day (and CR does not mean the gastrointestinal type).  And then more and more gas station chains were expanding to selling more than just gas, and before long, most of the gas station chains were open on Christmas Day.  Now, this Christmas there was a specific coffee shop, the one with the mermaid logo, that allowed the local franchise owners to decide if they would open on Christmas, and one of those stores just happens to be on the way to CR’s church.    So, thinking CR might have a little quiet time (in CR’s attempt to wake up since it took until around 2 am to calm down from Christmas Eve Services) and time to do morning devotions, CR trekked toward the Mermaid place.  Little did CR know the shock — the sonic boom about to unleash itself on Christmas morning.

I guess in defense of CR’s naivete, CR thinks that Christmas morning is spent watching little creatures and bigger people rip open packages.  This has been CR’s experience for, well, since around 1962 (although that Christmas CR was only five days old).  CR sadly learned that many people do not have anywhere to go on Christmas morning other than to a local Mermaid coffee place to get, as one lady stated (much to CR’s shock and horror) to get “their fix”.  CR was shocked to hear such language.  CR does not go there to get a “fix” — just because they call the base of CR’s favorite drink a “shot” is simply coincidental.  CR DOES NOT HAVE A PROBLEM.

CR’s hope of some quiet time, alone, in a coffee shop while the rest of Cumberland County was opening up Christmas gifts was not to be.  And CR knew it the moment CR turned into the parking lot.  There were almost no parking spaces available.  “What was going on?” CR thought to himself. “Was there a party after hours at the mermaid coffee shop and too many people were caffeinated beyond their ability to drive that they all took Uber rides home?”  But then CR opened the door, and the mass of humanity was overwhelming.  CR found the only two remaining seats in the joint and collapsed, hopes destroyed, bubble burst, Christmas miracle not to be, feeling like CR was punched in the gut.  In the immortal words of George Bailey “That’s what I get for praying” (after he got socked in the mouth).  CR ordered a coffee with the mobile order app so CR didn’t have to be the 16th person in line.  There was no Christmas joy — only Christmas wonder — CR wondering why these schmucks aren’t home opening gifts?

And so, Crankeverend once again is thwarted in the attempt to find some peace in this life.  Oh well, lesson learned, though CR is not quite sure what that lesson is.  Certainly it is not to stop drinking coffee.  The world is not ready for that.

Crankeverend…………………..Caffeinated!