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Crankeverend — well CR is already done with 2017, and there are 362 more days to go.  We are up to day 9 of the 12 Daze of a HannuRamaCrankiMas.  So, since we are not getting any younger, let us proceed.

In the 9th Daze of Christmas, CR was pondering: If you are not careful, a new year can make you feel like you were hit by a train — and CR is apologetic to anyone who lost a loved one to an unfortunate train incident.  

Three times it has happened to CR — three times in CR’s ministry Christmas Day, and New Year’s Day have fallen on a Sunday. Now that may not seem like a big deal to you folks, but for pastors it seems to be some violation of protocol.  Granted, what better day to be in church than on Christmas, the second most important day in the life of a Christian; and on New Year’s Day, the 364th most important day of the year for a Christian.  Yes, Christmas Eve is special – it is luminous, it is spectacular, it is liminal — time stands still on Christmas Eve while we sing “Silent Night” and bask in candle light.  But Christmas Day — well on this day we can marvel at the babe in the manger — Emmanuel — G-d with us.  However, after getting to bed late, late, late on Christmas Eve, the pastor seems to be running just on fumes.  CR feels like a truck ran him over while dragging a plow behind.  

And then there is New Year’s Day.  Funny, Christmas Eve and New Year’s Eve really don’t have anything in common, except to be a part of the plan requires staying up to watch a celebrity “melt down” and the Tiffany encrusted ball “drop down” while a million people in Time’s Square wish they could find a bathroom.  That is why they are all jumping up and down — either because they have to go number one or two, or they are tired in stepping in number three — the combination of numbers one and two.  So getting up on New Year’s Day again feels like that truck thing again, except the truck is now a train and that plow it is dragging behind is a cow masher.  And yet, what better way to begin a new year than to be in church — lifting up prayer, praise and thanksgiving to G-d — even if it is while being in a groggy state of mind.  

So here CR sits, on January 3, and that train that hit CR was a full-blown coal train with about a hundred cars — that’s just how CR feels.  But it will get better — there are some positive signs out there: the Republicans decided not to gut the Ethics Committee — not sure that committee would have found any ethics in the congress anyway — we might just be days away from a certain president-elect being dropped by Twitter — Lane Kiffin was fired by Alabama no matter what Kiffin says about quitting because he wasn’t able to focus on telling the quarterback to hand the ball off instead of throwing it out of bounds — and it’s raining in California.  It is a “Festivus” Miracle — time for the “Airing of Grievances” and “Feats of Strength” — just let CR catch a nap until February.

Crankeverend……………….who moved the Festivus Pole?

Crankeverend — clearly on the path to either heaven or hell — it is anyone’s guess.  We are up to day 8 of the 12 daze of a Cranky Christmas.

In the 8th Daze of Christmas, Crankeverend is pondering: why is there still Ginormous food available — and food shows about eating Ginormous portions?

The beginning of every year is about trying to make changes in your life.  At least, there is a large portion of American society that is trying to improve their lives through exercise, diet, and quitting bad habits like smoking.  The number of commercials selling items like the “Peloton” and some hybrid “step/elliptical” machine have increased.  Oprah is pushing “Weight Watchers”.  And some schmuck in the Food Network is hosting a show called, drum roll……..”Ginormous Food”.  Here is a good example:

CR feels his arteries clogging just looking at this burger.  You would need ginormous hands to pick this burger up off the plate — and CR will not make any comment about the size of someone’s mouth needed to eat it.  The main question, my friends, is “Why?”  “Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?”  And that is CR’s heart begging for mercy.  In this age of conscientious eating, caring for the poor and feeding the hungry, how can anyone look at a meal like this and say “I deserve this?”  And yes, CR knows no one is going to tune in to watch a show called “Tiny Meal Nation” — but come on — “Ginormous Food” could be called “Gluttonous Nation” — “Heart Attack World” —  “Casket Nation”.

Now, is CR suggesting people are NOT FREE to eat what they want — to SPEND what they want — TO DO what they want?  Of course not…..CR just thinks there is no reason that people should go hungry in this day and age.  The reason people go hungry is because there is an unequal distribution and availability of affordable food for everyone.

Currently CR is sitting with CR’s wife and daughter watching “Guy’s Grocery Games”, and CR’s wife asked “I wonder how much food gets wasted from this show?”  For “Guy’s Grocery Games”, there is a set built within a 15,500 square foot warehouse that is stocked with more than 20,000 items of food.  Again, this is simply for entertainment purposes, and it makes a Cranky pastor wonder, how much food is thrown away?  Do they give food to shelters, food banks, other ministries that serve the hungry?  The Food Network reports that much of the food not used goes to local farmers, food banks, and charities.  Even a Cranky pastor can get behind that kind of giving.

So, CR says: go ahead and try to grab an eight pound burger and shove it in your mouth — just be sure to leave CR in your will.

Crankeverend………………puke!