Crankeverend has come back from “a long summer’s nap” just in time for Epiphany — and CR does not mean a revelation — in fact CR doesn’t read the book of Revelation often.  We are up to day 7 — the 12th day of Crankiness is almost upon us. So, with so much promise ahead of us all, let us get to the next gift of Christmas.

In the seventh daze of Christmas, CR got to pondering: who had a worse New Year’s Eve, Mariah Carey or Ohio State football?

“What was that?” CR pondered after the performance.  “How could you just show up, unprepared, and drop a goose egg like that?”  And then, to top it off, CR had to endure Mariah’s “lack of performance”.  Oh Ohio State, the bridesmaid of the selection committee, where art thou Romeo?  The only positive point to ponder this day is the possibility that the best football team to beat Alabama is probably Clemson — at least after their complete shut out against Ohio State.

And then, there is the lip sync performance that can only leave America speculating about another Russian hack job.  CR can see it now.  Vladimir Putin sitting in his spacious apartment, thinking to himself “What can we do next to make America shake in her boots?  I know, splatter the performance of a diva on New Year’s Rockin Eve.”  So many people tweeted last evening how someone from the “Rockin Eve” show would be fired due to the debacle over Mariah’s Lip Sync problem, but it seems Mariah felt it was no big deal. Still not sure if she was supposed to lip sync or if she was actually supposed to sing but couldn’t hear herself on the monitors on stage — either way it is no big deal for her — CR guesses she lives by the principle that any publicity is good.

There was nothing about Dick Clark’s Rockin Eve that CR enjoyed.  It was all a train wreck.  Complete, utter, fail.  CR looked at the clock and it was 11:59 pm and the television was showing a commercial.  CR thought to CR’s self, “How could they still be showing a commercial?”  “Where is Ryan Seacrest?  Maybe he is on the phone talking Urban Meyer off a cliff ledge.”  And then, with all of thirty seconds to spare, they returned to the sinking of another year, the ship we will like to forget, 2016.  I understand in Ohio they dropped a football being eaten by a tiger.  Ouch!!!!

So, what do we have to look forward to in 2017?  CR is pondering that very thought this morning, the first Sunday in 2017.  What could possibly be on the horizon?  That is the beauty of a New Year.  We have everything to look forward to — some of the same old, same old — and a lot of possibility with hope and promise.  The opportunities for crankiness and surliness, successes and failures are endless.  Even a Cranky pastor can begin the new year with a smile — but that will only last so long!

Crankeverend………………….Happy New Year!

Crankeverend has come back from “a long summer’s nap” just in time for bowl games that really matter, or what we call in the church the “Time After Christmas”. We are up to day 6 — half-way to the 12th day of Crankitude.  So, with so much promise ahead of us all, let us get to the next gift of Christmas.  

In the sixth daze of Christmas, CR got to pondering: “What happened to the Poulan Weedeater Bowl Game and why are there so many bowl games when it is obvious that most sports fans do not want to watch two football teams with 6 and 6 records slug it out on the field?”

Many of you know CR, this cranky pastor who hides behind a persona of questionable wit, deep frown lines, and deep-seated orneriness.  But, you may not know the early history — much of which is shrouded in mystery, intrigue and nauseating boorishness.  But CR does have a time CR calls the “Good Ole Days”.  You know, when as a kid CR had to walk to school in the snow, uphill both to and from the little one-room shanty.  It was also back in the day when all of the bowl games that were interesting were played on January 1st — and then everyone argued over who the mythical “National Champion” of college football was until either President Nixon crowned a team from Texas, or three people played “Rock, Paper, Scissors” until two of them passed out from boredom and the last person standing crowned the National Champion.  

CR would gather his many, many close friends, usually someone else who didn’t have anywhere else to go (this was before CR married the beauty pageant wife he now adores) set up two televisions and watch games simultaneously — all the while sipping “Ole Milwaukee Beer”.  Oh, those were the days.  You see, only three or four bowl games actually mattered back in the dark ages, and they were not spread out over two weeks of intrigue and excessive scrutiny and gobs and gobs of advertising money.  All of the bowls that mattered were played on either New Year’s Eve or New Year’s Day.

Today, the bowl process has been modified to make us all think that individual, regular season games matter, which is a lot of speculation.  And four teams are “selected” to participate in a four-team playoff while still utilizing the bowl game structure.  Here are some of the worst names for Bowl games over the history of bowl games.  The names make CR laugh, and so you must endure this top-ten list.

Top Ten Worst Bowl Names

10.  The Salad Bowl — the Salad Bowl existed from 1948 to 1952, played in Phoenix, Arizona — and the proceeds (whatever that means) were donated to help “Underprivileged Child Activities”.  CR would not have minded the name if they wouldn’t have included a picture of an actual salad bowl on the ticket.  Shouldn’t the game have included the North Carolina School of the Arts fighting Pickles against the Scottsdale Community College fighting Artichokes?

 

9. The Oil Bowl — the Oil Bowl existed in 1944, 1946 and 1947 in Houston, Texas. I am not so sure it was a “football classic” but at least it was played on New Year’s Day.  Thank goodness the ticket only cost $2.20.

8. The Pecan Bowl — the Pecan Bowl was played from 1964 to 1970 in Arlington, Texas.  As many might inquire, why not the Peanut Bowl, or the Almond Bowl?  Why Pecans?  No one will ever know……

7. The Little Caesar’s Pizza Bowl — this bowl began in 1997 and ended in 2013.   It was played in various locations in Michigan.  With their home office located in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, you have to wonder why it was played in Michigan.  That little guy in a toga mascot must be cold.     

6. The Refrigerator Bowl — played from 1948 to 1956 in Evansville, IN — one can only imagine it was as cold as a refrigerator when it was played, in the beginning of December.  Obviously this was not a top tier game, but it was easy to get a “cold one” at half-time.

 

5. The Meineke Car Care Bowl a/k/a The Continental Tire Bowl — this bowl game existed from 2005 to 2010 in the Bank of America Stadium in North Carolina.  How many advertising plugs can you get into one bowl game?

4. The Cosmopolitan Bowl — this bowl game existed only one year, in 1951 and was played in Alexandria, Louisiana.  CR can’t even find a picture for this bowl, so CR included a picture of CR’s favorite minion.  Sorry…….

3. The Kraft Fight Hunger Bowl — What?  Well, this bowl game has had several names — including “San Francisco Bowl” (2002), the “Diamond Walnut San Francisco Bowl” (2002 – 2003), the “Emerald Bowl” (2004 – 2009), the “Kraft Fight Hunger Bowl” (2010 – 2012), the “Fight Hunger Bowl” (2013) and now the “Foster Farms Bowl”.  It still would make the top ten worst names for Bowl Games.

2. BBVA Compass Bowl — this bowl game began as the “Birmingham Bowl” (2006), then went to the “PapaJohns.com” Bowl (2006–2010), changed to the “BBVA Compass Bowl” (2011–2014), and today is back to the “Birmingham Bowl”.  CR wants to know if you can figure out where the game is played?

 

And the number 1 worst name for a bowl game….at least according to this one website that CR has pilfered for this blog, which will be given proper credit…..(Adam Silvers, sports freelancer for Complex Media)

 Enjoy your bowl games……..

Crankeverend…………………Touchdown!