“HEY CRANKY REVEREND, “Give Me Some Shelter”

Cranky Reverend (CR) is trying to find some sanity in this world of accusations, fake news, hate thy neighbor television and cancerous conversations….whatever happened to civility and my mother’s advice “If you have nothing nice to say, then stuff a doughnut in your mouth.”

“HEY CRANKY REVEREND, who thought up the idea of “Shelter in Place?”

Covid-19 has changed all of our lives, and not for the better as far as this Cranky Reverend is concerned. Oh yes, forcing people to spend more time with their families, and actually sit down at a family meal, or even pulling out the dusty board games and interacting with one another is nice — but how much togetherness must we all endure?

Fully ten days into this idea of hunkering down in the home or apartment to protect ourselves from all the other “infected” people out there, this Cranky Reverend is getting really, really cranky. Even CR’s cats are tired of his presence. Any time they come for a meal, his cats give CR the bird, and CR does not mean the occasional deceased offering all cats feel compelled to give their (ha ha) owners.

Here are some of CR’s observations over the last ten days of “Sheltering H***”:

Apparently shelter in place is code for “Gather all your junk together and sell it on EBay.” The uptick in things “on sale” on FaceBook Market Place and EBay is astonishing — even perplexing. By the time we all get to come out of our houses again, there will be no need for Spring yard sales.

Apparently shelter in place is the English equivalent of the French term “Mise en Place” — you know, that obnoxious term for keeping order at your cooking station. If CR has to look at another video of some poor Schlub who has completely changed the “Feng Shui” of their home, CR is going to barf.

Apparently no one understands the difference between “Essential” businesses and “Non-Essential.” Essential means “Do not change my daily routine, EVER — I’M A SPOILED AMERICAN” — people need their “overpriced frozen yogurt and “pickle soaked chicken” or there will be heck to pay.

And finally, apparently people who use fancy French sayings to make a point and prove how “sophisticated” they are need to crawl back into their caves. Which is what this Cranky Reverend is about to do.