Cranky Reverend (CR) is trying to find some sanity in this world of accusations, fake news, hate thy neighbor television and cancerous conversations….whatever happened to civility and my mother’s advice “If you have nothing nice to say, then stuff a doughnut in your mouth.”
“HEY CRANKY REVEREND, what ever happened to “CIVILITY?”
Well, CR must think about this for a while (especially since whoever asked the question is shouting at CR), for it depends on the day, the moment, the situation, the specific office of the person you hate — whether civility is even necessary, if not impossible.
“Wait, CR, you sound so negative. Where’s the happy, go-lucky Cranky Reverend we all have come to loathe?”
Well, this Reverend is Cranky this week because, once again in America, hate wins. We have had two, count them, two more mass shootings, and the angry rhetoric has just begun — angry rhetoric about motive, about guns, about police, about responsibility, and about hate. Once again there is no room for reflection — no room for discussion — no room for contemplation — if you do not agree with what your neighbor represents — if you do not agree with what your neighbor has to say — then just join the hate-train. We do not live in “Make America Great Again” — instead welcome to “America Hates Again”.
CR’s wife posted something on her “FaceCrook” page the other day, well before the most recent gun-crisis. She reposted a story titled “Have We No Decency?”. It is an article written by the Bishop of the Episcopal Diocese of Washington, the Dean of Washington National Cathedral, and the Canon Theologian of Washington National Cathedral. In their article they wrote:
“When does silence become complicity? What will it take for us all to say, with one voice, that we have had enough? The question is less about the president’s sense of decency, but of ours. As leaders of faith who believe in the sacredness of every single human being, the time for silence is over. We must boldly stand witness against the bigotry, hatred, intolerance, and xenophobia that is hurled at us, especially when it comes from the highest offices of this nation. We must say that this will not be tolerated. To stay silent in the face of such rhetoric is for us to tacitly condone the violence of these words. We are compelled to take every opportunity to oppose the indecency and dehumanization that is racism, whether it comes to us through words or actions.“
Well, you would think she had posted something from Satan himself. How dare she post something that denounces negative “political double-speak”. And, how dare the church say something about politics — for Jesus’ sake, if only he had said something about hypocrites and lawyers. Wait………………CR means if only Jesus had said something about judging others lest you…..be………judged with the same emphasis you judge others……………CR means the parable of the “seeing the speck of bad hair on the plank of orange skin.” Wait, no, that wasn’t it…….now what did Jesus say? Oh only people who seek to know the mind of G-d would even care what Jesus said, but then they would have to had read it.
CR’s point though is this — why the assassination of someone’s words and character simply because they say something you do not like, agree with, or understand? In fact, in this case, all CR’s wife did was re-post something and ask people to read it. Why can’t we read without commenting? Why can’t we contemplate without spewing our hatred? Is it because in our society, we have been taught that we always have to win — that we always have to make our point — that we always need to prove our point — that we cannot admit that perhaps we might be wrong? As Thich Nhat Hanh (Vietnamese monk and Buddhist teacher) writes, “People kill and are killed because they cling too tightly to their own beliefs. When we believe that ours is the only…..truth, violence and suffering will surely be the result.”
This week, CR heard someone comment on the radio show “1A” (that is the unexpectedly refreshing show by Joshua Johnson) that pastors, teachers, and parents of the shooters in situations like El Paso and Dayton should also be held accountable since “dangerous religious, racist and right-wing ideology” does not happen overnight — that people are indoctrinated with such beliefs from an early age. And anyone who had any influence in the life of a “mass shooter” should be held accountable. “Whaaaaaaaaat?”
In the wake of two more mass shootings in America, there will be a natural rush to “Blame” — we always want to blame the easiest target possible to support our own personal and political biases. A lot of people will shout “get rid of the guns” and “We need more gun restrictions”. Gosh, the last CR checked, drugs are illegal, yet CR could get any drug without too many phone calls (not that CR would, but go ahead and judge). Others will say “We need more mental health services.” Look, CR thinks fewer guns and more Mental Health services will always be a good thing. But CR thinks we are missing the point.
What we have here, CR’s friends (and enemies), as “The Captain” says to Luke in the movie “Cool Hand Luke”, what we have is “….failure to communicate”.
“Well, what do you mean CR?”
That is another great question. You see, we do not really communicate with one another any more. Yes, we chat, we text, we tweet, we even shout at one another — and we are really good at making sure people “really understand what we mean” by CAPITALIZING AND PUNCTUATING OUR COMMENTS WITH STATEMENTS LIKE “YOU’RE REALLY STUPID” AND “IF YOU HAD A BRAIN IN YOUR BODY…” CR knows the internet is always the best way to talk to one another (THAT IS A SARCASTIC COMMENT). Why, even after the President made his comments today about how shocked and saddened he was, the media and certain politicians were quick to condemn his comments because they were “lacking detailed plans” or “were just more of the same bull*** with no substance.” CR says: perhaps — perhaps not.
You see, this Cranky Reverend believes we cannot judge a person just on their words — especially if they live on their words — meaning if they are a politician or someone else who lives on public affirmation. People who live on power, influence, and control through their “Tweets”, their speeches and other public rhetoric learn quickly how to manipulate the masses through carefully selected and politically expedient words — words that serve only to further their careers — words that may have no correlation to their hearts or their true feelings. So we can parse and debate them all we want — which simply furthers their intent — taking our minds off what really matters.
But, if we would just let their words fall without feeling the need to constantly comment and criticize, if we cut off the oxygen by simply moving on to what does really matter (here CR is suggesting actual conversations rather than shouting at one another), the fire in their rhetoric would eventually need to change — because without the oxygen of our exasperated hate-filled responses to feed that fire, the light would go out.
The internet gives people oxygen to fan the flames of their negative rhetoric. Before the internet, people with similar ideology would actually need to get in their cars and find ways to physically meet in dark alleys, smoke-filled rooms, and meeting halls to discuss their viewpoints (positive or negative). You weren’t able to sit on your couch night after night fanning and fanning the flames of your hateful ideology by reading and following threads down rabbit holes that few would want to follow.
The more connected we become through websites, chat rooms, and “Tweets”, the more disconnected we become with each other — and the more disconnected we become with reality.
“OK Cranky “smarta**” Reverend, what good ideas do you have?”
Well, what this Cranky Reverend believes needs to change is how we communicate with one another. We need to stop making statements AT one another. We need to stop speaking OVER one another. We need to LISTEN to one another — especially listen to those who DO NOT think, talk, or intuit the way WE DO. We need to stop demanding that others hear us all the time. We need to stop making blanket statements about “Other people’s” race, gender, religion, and ideology. And we need to stop depending on our legislators to solve all of our problems.
To make sure that people really hate CR, the way CR sees things, CR is here to tell you that you and CR are the problem in society today. How we handle anger is the problem. Yes, we have people in our country who foment anger — they pit people against one another out of some sick joy of seeing people argue. These people need to be banned to “Fantasy Island” and hope “De Plane” comes back to get them some day. We all need to accept the responsibility to handle our own anger appropriately — with responsibility — and with maturity. And then we need to care for those around us who don’t know how to handle their anger.
You are probably already calling CR a fool — and that’s OK. Just ask yourself why you need to be so angry? Are you too small minded….errr…….CR means too self-doubting to realize that we all need to learn some mindfulness in our lives?
CR was listening to National Public Radio today where he heard a story about Neuroscientist Richard Davidson who spoke about “Vanguishing Anger From Our Minds”. Davidson was an angry activist in the 60’s and 70’s — during the Vietnam War. Today he is director of the Center for Healthy Minds at the University of Wisconsin-Madison. He is trying to raise the alarm in our society that there is an over-abundance of negative emotion — and this is a looming health crisis. To that CR says “Amen, brother.”
Take for example the reaction to the comments the President made about the mass shootings this weekend. CR sees two mistakes in the comments President Trump made today. The first was saying the shooting was in Toledo — we can excuse him of that mis-step — there are only two cities in Ohio and he guessed the wrong one (two that matter that is — Hey–ooooo).
The second mistake was suggesting that “…mental illness pulled the trigger”.
The media and certain politicians were quick to condemn his comments because they were “lacking detailed plans” or “were just more of the same bull*** with no substance.” Immediate anger and denial of his attempt to speak to the situation was expected — for that is what we do in America. But, let’s be clear — anger is not a mental illness. Anger, frustration and disappointment are common human conditions — feelings — they are not mental illnesses. And there are plenty of people in America who feel a lot of anger, frustration and disappointment, every day.
Richard Davidson has a few suggestions for some healthy ways we all can recognize our anger — and then let it go — transform it — before the anger transforms us.
First, we should learn to acknowledge our anger immediately, and then learn to let it subside. Davidson is a friend of the Dalai Lama (DL). He has only seen the DL angry twice — and the anger only lasted a few seconds. The anger arose — and then it dissipated. “There’s no spillover from one moment to the next.”
To suppress our anger is not healthy — and to hold onto our anger for extended periods of time is not healthy as well. When the anger percolates in our veins and the synapses of our brains, it slowly builds until we act out in anger toward someone or something. The internet is a vehicle that allows us to keep the anger percolating. We read, and re-read, and click our way into angry rabbit holes where we cannot or do not want to escape. Anger keeps us from having healthy conversations — because we cannot have healthy conversations that are strictly driven by emotion. We must learn to let our anger go — so that we can have clear and unemotional conversations about the things that upset us.
Second, Davidson says we should transform our anger into compassion and love. It’s true — CR has experienced it — CR has seen it. But it takes time — and practice. It takes disciplined mindfulness — taking time to really understand how you feel — being in the moment all of the time — not allowing your emotions to take you out of the moment in time.
Third, Davidson says, to let go of anger, people need to feel safe to let it out. Too many people find comfort, companionship and complicity in anger — in being a part of an angry group. If someone wants to let go of their anger, then they must also let go of the group that supports their anger — which means changing not only how they feel, but changing the groups who share those feelings.
Fourth and finally, Fifth, letting go of anger will not happen over night, but it just might save your life. Here CR wants to give the microphone to Davidson:
“In the United States today, we’ve done a good job in tremendously decreasing the percentage of people who smoke in the population, as a public health campaign. If you go back to 1950 and compare it to today, it’s dramatic. We need to do the same thing for caring for our mind.”
“I see this as an urgent public health need. And this is really about caring for our mind. And even if we spent a few minutes every day intentionally caring for our mind in this way by developing these positive qualities, and doing it every day (via) different kinds of meditation — to cultivate kindness, to cultivate gratitude, to cultivate compassion — the world would be a different place.”
Well, as Frank Cross (Bill Murray) in the movie “Scrooged” said: “I’m gonna give you a little advice Claire. Scrape ’em off. You wanna save somebody? Save yourself.”
Oh well, Cranky Reverend is a cranky bastard……….and so is Frank Cross — but that is good advice. And in saving ourselves from anger, we might just change the world….if not save just one “Angry American” at a time.
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The "Frowning Glory" 