Cranky Reverend (CR) is trying to find some sanity in this world of accusations, fake news, hate thy neighbor television and cancerous conversations….whatever happened to civility and my mother’s advice “If you have nothing nice to say, then stuff a doughnut in your mouth.”
CR is becoming CR’s father — it is inevitable. Not only does CR look like CR’s father, but apparently CR drives like his father. Or, that is what the jerk driving behind CR thought today. Which brings CR to his next question: “Hey Cranky Reverend, why is everyone is such a hurry to get nowhere?”
CR truly believes G-d intervenes in the lives of all people — in small ways, in big ways, and in ways that only G-d knows why. So today, this cranky reverend was visiting a shut-in — a wonderful lady who has experienced a real spate of bad karma in the last year. On the way back to CR’s church, a wonderful “Generation Z’er” came right up on CR’s posterior honking the horn for CR to “get the he** out of his way.” Tell me something you West Shore people: why do you think you are going to get anywhere “quickly” with all of the traffic, red lights and apparently “Old Farts” like CR driving the speed limit? And why do you think tailing CR and blowing your horn is going to make a difference?
Many of you do know that CR’s wife works for PennDot — she is “the PennDot lady” — yes, that is a thing. CR can’t go anywhere without someone stopping us and saying “Why do YOU people at PennDot think using chip and tar, or Chip and Dale, or Tar and Chips on 944 is a good thing — and what the H*** are YOU going to do about it? Now my house is covered in dust, da**it.” Anyway, there would be nothing more embarrassing for CR and his lovely wife if CR was pulled over for speeding — the harassing alone from her co-workers and the local police forces she must network with would be merciless.
Usually CR and his daughter just walk away when yet another person stops “Miss PennDot” while we are at the grocery store to ask one more inane question. Questions like:
Actual Question for the “PennDot Lady”: “How long will the road be closed?” Answer, “When the hole in the road is fixed.” What CR would really like to say, “Until we can find seven more shovels for all of the “white hats” to lean on.”
Next Question: “How long will it take to fix the hole?” Answer, “Depends on how deep the hole is.” What CR would really like to say, “Why don’t you jump in the hole and we can measure the depth — and no, we will not help you out.”
Brilliant Question: “Which end is the plow on?” Answer, “The opposite of the back end.” What CR would really like to say, “Uhhhhhhm are you kidding CR?”
Last Question: “Why aren’t the roads plowed?” Answer, “Because the plows drive a circuit, and depending on how quickly the snow is falling, the plows cannot keep up.” What CR would like to say, “Why don’t you stay off the roads so the snow plows can do their jobs instead of rescuing you “dumb a**es” from the median, or the tree line, or the river, because you all think you can drive your BMW’s in a foot of snow like the jerks on the commercials.”
Anyway, for all of you “cool” drivers who really, actually believe that if you try to nudge CR out of the way by drafting on CR’s “bumper” like a NASCAR driver, all the while honking at CR like a jerk, well, CR wants you to know his hearing aid is turned way down — wayyyyyyyy down. Actually, CR is blasting Bach on his “Walk Man” so — take your hand off the horn, turn up the radio and enjoy the long, slow drive — because if you keep driving like a “jack***”, you are simply hastening your own fiery demise…..but CR still loves you — and so does G-d……
No wonder this reverend is so cranky……
The "Frowning Glory" 
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