HEY CRANKY REVEREND….

Cranky Reverend (CR) is trying to find some sanity in this world of accusations, fake news, hate thy neighbor television and cancerous conversations….whatever happened to civility — we all need to heed my mother’s advice “If you have nothing nice to say, then stuff a doughnut in your mouth.”

There is nothing like a warm day in Pennsylvania — temperatures as high as 98 to warm the body and bring out the crankiness in anyone — especially Cranky Reverend. On the way to the mall tonight, CR’s wife mentioned an article she read online about more insanity in our world. So this leads CR to his next question: “Hey Cranky Reverend, what is a ‘maintenance hole’ and will I need to see my gastroenterologist to get it checked it out?”

Maintenance Hole — what….is…..happening to society my dear brothers and sisters in Christ? But, here is the article titled “Manholes in Berkeley will now be called ‘maintenance holes’” — it explains the madness:

“At a Tuesday night city council meeting, Berkeley became the first city in America to ban the use of natural gas piping in new construction.”

Nope, that is not it — but it sure seems to me that the city council in Berkeley is working so hard they are obviously “gassed”. Perhaps they need to use more piping to ventilate the city council meetings. Keep reading…..

“But that was not the only utility-related issue they saw fit to attend to. No, there was another matter on deck: Eliminating the gendered connotations of words like “manhole” in the city municipal code. No longer will the streets of fair Berkeley be dotted with manholes, nary a womanhole or nonbinary hole in sight. With Tuesday night’s vote, they have all been transmuted into “maintenance holes,” that highest, hardest glass manhole-cover finally shattered.” (“Manholes in Berkeley will now be called ‘maintenance holes’”; by Filipa Ioannou, July 17, 2019, SFGATE.com)

Finally shattered — CR’s sanity is finally shattered. Don’t get CR wrong, for CR is all for gender neutral vocabulary in areas of life where it really matters. And yes, the rhetoric in our country is often a “cesspool” of filth and crap — but come on Berkeley — the best you can come up with is ‘Maintenance Hole’. What is next? Wait for it, CR has what is next:

Berkeley’s municipal code will no longer feature words like “Sorority” and “fraternity” but will change to “collegiate Greek system residence.”

I can just hear this future conversation: “Hey Bobby, you looking forward to attending “Indeterminate State”? You bet “person who is related to my human parent” — and I really hope I can rush a “collegiate Greek system” — I just hope the door is open or I might break my “Damn–dible”. (This will make more sense in about three minutes).

Seeing that we are slowly slipping into complete madness, CR has a few more suggestions for our gender-neutral efforts.

Manatee — will now be called “Swam–apee” as in “Hey mom, why is the water warmer in this part of the ocean? Oh………..It was a Swam-apee.”

Manual — will now be called “Humanual” as in “Hu really knew what to do to fix the copier. Well, he just looked in the “Humanual”.

Yea, that’s better……..

Manicure— will now be called “Ma’amicure” — and a prostate exam will now be called a “Manigram”. Some gender bias must be acceptable just for the laughs.

Manufacture — will now be called “Scam–ufacture” as in “That company “scamufactures” MAGA hats”.

Manifest — will be “Branifest” as in “Because I ate too much String Cheese, I will need to eat some prunes to “Branifest” some action before my colonoscopy.”

Mandible — will now be called “Damn–dible” as in “Ouch, I hit my “Damn–dible” when I tried to rush that collegiate Greek system……damn–dible it.

And you wonder why CR is so Cranky……….Oh great person — almighty.