Christmas Joy? The 12 Daze of Christmas

Crankeverend is back from the dead to give us the 12 Daze of Christmas.  We are up to day number 2.  

In the second daze of Christmas the world gave to CR, commercials that have no connection to reality.  “C’Mon Man” — why does CR have to watch until the final credits to know what the H*ll someone is trying to sell?  Since when have advertising executives decided to make commercials eligible for The Oscars? (trademark notation here — some snarky person will probably tell CR there are awards for commercials so your mention of the Oscars is just a cheap shot at the shallowness of America, which you are right)  Anyway, CR is getting really tired of playing the guessing game during the commercial.  

Here is an excellent example.  Recently CR and his wife Mrs. CR were watching a football game when a commercial came on showing two children reciting a Shakespearean play, something called “Romeo and Juliet”.  At the very end of the commercial we learned it was a commercial for the “I Phone 7” (full disclosure — the “I” stands for “I don’t care”).

Another example: two people are making out on the beach, in the car, on the subway, in various states of undress, and right before the very end, one of the breathless actors says something like “Dior” (trademark notation here — CR is not endorsing any product that has a clothing budget of less than $200)  CR pines for the days when you knew from the beginning what was being sold so you could turn the volume down right away and not suffer brain damage from the attempt to lower your IQ by advertising executives.  And someone tell CR why everyone is dancing in commercials?  Selling furniture — people dancing.  Selling clothing — people dancing.  Selling a car — people dancing.  Selling a local detox program — people dancing.  Why are all of these people so happy they need to dance to try to sell CR something?

Here are a few suggestions from CR for positive changes in the television commercial industry:

1. stop dancing.  No one is that happy.  No one dances when they find the right curtains to put in their house.  Knock off the dancing.  It’s embarrassing.
2. bring back the “Where’s the Beef?” lady (CR knows she is dead so there is no chance to bring her back, and if you are too young to know what CR is talking about, Google it).  
3. stop using the “All Right, All Right, All Right” guy in any commercial — he’s creepy.  
4. use more people who look like CR – short, bald and pudgy — regular people are perfect.
5. no one is as happy as the people on Macy’s commercials — or as thin — or as tall — or as perky — or as…….
6. If advertisers want to get the average American’s attention, here is the kind of commercial that sells products in America – SNL commercial

Is it too much to ask for the actors in a commercial to announce the name or class or some identifying information about the product at the beginning of the commercial so CR has a clue what they are selling?  Please?  Look, as soon as the commercial shows anyone who is not at least average looking, with average people’s problems concerning weight, height, discretionary income, and gastrointestinal problems, CR has already tuned out.  If you let CR know ahead of time what CR won’t be interested in buying anyway, we will all live happier and gassier lives.

Crankeverend…………I’m sorry, I already don’t care!  And stop dancing….geez!