There is no “Fun” in Dysfunction!!

All Characters portrayed in a Cranky Reverend blog post are simply people CR has made up in CR’s mind.  Any resemblance to real people is simply coincidental and CR has no idea how that happened.  Really!  I mean it!

Crankeverend (CR) returned from a long trip — a trip down dysfunctional lane.  After such a trip most of CR’s tolerance has either been surgically removed by aliens or beaten out of CR by exposure to too much dysfunction.  CR remembers the little cartoon about conjunctions called “Conjunction Junction” that used to run on Saturday mornings while CR was watching the 100th repeat of the Flintstones.  CR has changed the words:

“Dysfunction Junction, what’s your function?  Wishing the pastor will perform “Extreme Unction.”

The family crisis can be one of the more difficult experiences of your life.  The same can be said for the pastor trying to help a family wade through the murky waters of dysfunction.  Of course, what is at the heart of dysfunction — especially within family dynamics?  The answer is not a simple one.  CR knows that so many things can be ingredients for the genesis of the “dysfunctional family soup”.  It is a table spoon of high expectations, a dash of physical or verbal abuse, three heaping portions of poor parenting skills, and any amount of disability, lack of education and/or support, and the ever present mysterious addition of addictive behaviors.  Mixed all together, the result is determined by the acceptance for and the consequences of action or inaction of all involved — which, of course, gives dysfunctional soup its texture, its body and its taste.

Recently, CR was fortunate (or unfortunate) to have been a witness to two families dealing with tragic deaths — both, CR must add, which have some mysterious elements included.  Nevertheless, watching how each family managed or mismanaged these tragedies highlighted their own level of dysfunction.  And, beyond the bickering, arguing, accusing, crying, drinking, smoking and lying — left in the disastrous wake of their collective dysfunction were two loved ones who died before their time should have been up.  Both were given proper, respectful burials attempting to honor their lives and give voice to the fact that they were loved, children of G-d.  And still the dysfunction train chugged forward.  So, in the wake of all of the unfortunate events, this Cranky Reverend has three pieces of advice.  Oh there are more, but this is all CR can muster together at this time.

The first piece of advice: Plan, Pre-Plan, Over Plan

You are doing no one a favor if you have not taken the time to consider your assets, whether vast or few, and what you want done with them upon your ultimate demise.  Make a will.  Do it today.  And if you change your will, keep only the current copy, and destroy the others.  And if you hide it away, make sure someone, someone, knows where you are hiding it.  The same is true for your funeral service.  Plan one.  Put your wishes on paper if you do not pre-plan with a funeral home.  If you pre-pay somewhere, leave copies and receipts where people can find them.  And, for almighty Father’s sake, give copies to someone you like.  Pick out scriptures, and hymns, and other readings.  Also, be sure to direct a sizable amount of money for the honorarium for the pastor.  A good pastor will spend 4 – 6 hours on preparing and performing your funeral.  Yes, it is a part of our calling, but too many people have no respect for our time.

The second piece of advice: Verify, Verify, Verify

If your loved one tells you “I have pre-paid for my funeral service and other arrangements”, or tells you “I have a current copy of my will to give you” — verify.  Ask for copies.  It is nice to trust their word, but still ask them for a copy of everything.  And keep on asking until they give it to you.  And please, remember where you put your copy.

 Finally, Stop Complaining

Look, CR knows that life is tough.  No one gets everything they want — and many do not have access to the basic things they need to live.  So, if life has been a drag for you lately, call CR.  CR can tell you some stories about families who really have it tough.  And if your story beats CR’s, CR will include your story in CR’s upcoming book:

“Funerals, Weddings and Pastoral Care: My Experiences With Crazy”

CR is not being disrespectful, but if you find yourself in a dysfunctional family, remember, there is no “Fun” in Dysfunction.  And, someone needs to be the voice of reason, the oasis of sanity, and the keystone block in the collapsing arch.  The first stop on the dysfunction train should be “Sanity-Ville” — and if you aren’t the Mayor, then who will be?

Crankeverend……AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!