ALL EVENTS AND PEOPLE CHARACTERIZED BY CRANKEVEREND ON HIS CRANKY REVEREND PAGE ARE MOSTLY FICTITIOUS, THOUGH THE EVENTS CAN BE A THORN IN THE SIDE OF ONE CRANKY REVEREND. IF CR OFFENDS, IT IS NOT THE INTENTION OF A CRANKY REVEREND TO OFFEND PEOPLE — IT IS ONLY TO PERPETUATE THE CONCERNS OF ONE CRANKY REVEREND. NO ANIMALS OR ALIENS WERE HARMED DURING THE WRITING OF THIS PAGE. THIS BLOG CONTAINS NO MSG, IS GLUTEN-FREE, AND HELPS THE DIGESTION OF THINGS HARD TO SWALLOW.
“But when the king came in to see the guests, he noticed a man there who was not wearing wedding clothes. He asked, ‘How did you get in here without wedding clothes, friend?’ The man was speechless. “Then the king told the attendants, ‘Tie him hand and foot, and throw him outside, into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.’ “For many are invited, but few are chosen.” Matthew 22
Crankeverend (CR) is often frustrated when going to a coffee shop and encountering the “Coffee Shop Newbie” or those who do not realize there is an “understood” etiquette for ordering your coffee beverage. And, there is also etiquette for waiting for your drink to be made. Like the “Soup Guy” from the TV series “Seinfeld”, there is one way that is acceptable, at least that is the opinion of this Cranky Reverend – and if you do not maintain that order, then “No Coffee For You”. Here it is in the simplest explanation CR can give you.
1. Know what you are ordering before you get into line — usually you have to wait for a few minutes anyway, stop talking to your friend on the phone and make up your mind.
2. Do not make small talk with your barista – unless your barista makes small talk with you — even then no one wants to see pictures of your kitten — move out of the way!
3. The maximum number of drinks you should order at one time is three — and if you have a list of drinks, make sure you can read it before you get into line — move out of the way!.
4. Have your money in your hand – no fishing for your wallet once you have ordered.
5. If your name is not Bill or Mary, be prepared to spell your name for the barista. No one knows how to spell “Jael” anyway (before you are offended look in the bible under Judges 4:18 — CR is not being racist — and besides CR’s third child would have this name if CR’s wife would have relented)
6. Once you have paid for your drink – move out of the way!
7. If you are waiting for a drink, and there is a line, my friend YOURS IS NOT THE NEXT DRINK BEING MADE – and staring at the barista will not make them go faster — move out of the way! And don’t touch CR’s cup looking for your name.
8. If you need cream or sugar, do not linger at the “cream and sugar” carousel – “git ‘er done” and move out of the way.
Oh, and this cranky reverend also wants to talk to you “suits” who come into the coffee shop with your ear phones looking like you work for the “Secret Service”. CR understands you like the freedom of the hands free device, and this is mostly so you can drive your luxury SUV while keeping your hands on the wheel while you force the rest of us off the road. First, keep the ear piece in the car — you look ridiculous. Second, don’t have your “loud, obnoxious phone call” while sitting next to CR as he is trying to write a devotion about the love of Jesus. Move the conversation outside.
Crankeverend is a lover, not a fighter, and CR loves all people. And if we all follow the coffee shop etiquette as it is officially unwritten, but CLEARLY understood, then there will be more love for CR to share in the name of Jesus Christ. And just one final note — Move Out of CR’s Way — do you think it is easy being this cranky?
Crankeverend……..Out!
The "Frowning Glory" 
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