Face of Jesus Appears on Coffee Grounds

Crankeverend (CR) sat at his desk — he had lost the top of his desk about three weeks ago — but with Easter looming he just did not have the time or the interest to try to find it.  He accidentally knocked over a pile of papers and an article from the San Diego Crier appeared at the top of the pile — an article he had printed out from the inter-web.  He had intended to read it after Easter — but he couldn’t resist.

“Face of Jesus Appears on Coffee Grounds — A Buzzing Congregation Vows to Stop Drinking Decaf”

March 26, 2016

San Diego, CA..”I enjoy a good cup of coffee just like anyone else”, said Holly Vale.  “But I won’t drink Decaf any more.  I mean I don’t want to drink Jesus.”

People at Forced Grace Lutheran Church were still buzzing Easter Sunday afternoon from an over consumption of regular coffee after a kitchen helper made a religiously significant discovery — the face of Jesus in the Decaf coffee grounds.  “I was, like, Oh My G-d – it’s Jesus”, said Holly.  “I looked at the grounds and I gasp – Jesus on Decaf.  Who knew?”

Another kitchen helper, downing her third cup of regular “joe” chimed in, “We haven’t had this much excitement in the church since Martin Luther appeared on the face of a communion wafer.  It turned out it wasn’t Luther at all but just regular mold — in fact I thought it looked suspiciously Methodist.  But who really can tell a Methodist from a Lutheran. I mean not me, not me…..I need some more coffee.”

The coffee grounds have been put on display in the church office — and jittery people have been lining up for hours just to get a peek at the face of Jesus.  “I stood there, tears streaming down my cheeks.  My hands were shaking”, said Pastor Phil Mycup.  “I took in a deep breath of those grounds…Jesus never smelled so good.”

The congregation has no plans to return to Decaf coffee any time soon.  “I have never seen the congregation so alive during worship.  Usually they are so calm, almost lifeless” said a sweaty Pastor Mycup.  “The Spirit must really be moving, or finally they are listening to my sermons.  I don’t know what else it could be.  Now where did I set my Trenta Espresso?”

When asked what brand of coffee Jesus prefers, Pastor Phil would only say, “Coffee of the Real Presence.”

CR sat there, wondering why he printed this article in the first place.  After all, the Jesus CR knows would ONLY be regular, not Decaf.