Changing the Clock for Daylight Savings Time —– AAARRRRGGGGG

Crankeverend (CR) sat in his car on Monday morning — clergy shirt soaked with coffee.  CR’s pants and socks, soaked with coffee.  CR went to put his glasses on — they were broken.  CR drove home in a coffee-haze crankiness that the world has not known in many, many years — it was Daylight Savings Time day plus One — and it was turning out to be the worst day ever.

A Dozen States are looking into abolishing this ridiculous notion of changing the clock twice a year, and CR feels it is about time.  The older CR gets, the more he feels the effects of losing an hour of sleep.  CR’s body just cannot adjust like it used to.  CR understands that there was a purpose to changing the clock during World Wars I and II for the purpose of conserving energy — but we are not in a world war (though looking around the world and our country seems to confuse the issue and the point CR is making, so stop looking around), and the need to make such a change has long since passed us by.

So, this got CR thinking — what other silly changes could we make to our daily routine that could prove to be just as disruptive and purposeless.  Here are CR’s suggestions.

1. Coffee Day — For one year we will add an extra day to the weekend.  Coffee day will come in between Saturday and Sunday.  It will be a state sponsored day off (except for those who work in the coffee industry) where coffee is free — all day.  Now you may be in favor of this extra day for a permanent “three-day weekend” — CR is in favor of it for the free coffee.

2. Jubilee — Just like the bible suggests the 50th year of each century will be the year of the Jubilee.  All debts will be forgiven, all prisoners will be released, all sins will be pardoned, and the mercies of God will be particularly manifest.  Now you may think that releasing all prisoners is a ridiculous idea, and as such CR refers you back to the observance of Daylight Savings Time.  Are they equal in their ridiculousness?  Of course not, but CR is trying to make a point, and sometimes CR takes license to jump to the absurd.

3. President for a Day — For as long as it takes, every person over the age of 35 will get to serve as President of the United States for one day.  They will get to fly anywhere necessary on Air Force One, pass any proclamations they can think of, offer any pardons they want, and begin or end any wars they feel are necessary.  Look, after the awful display we have been subject to for the last 8 months, I think this may actually be a much better idea than electing any of the current candidates running for POTUS.

4. Two-Hand Touch — in response to the hypocrisy of the NFL and their response to former player’s fear of CTE (Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy) and the preponderance of evidence pointing to the legitimacy of the medical findings, the NFL will play one year under “Two-Hand Touch” rules.   (Actually, this may not be so crazy after all.)  Johnny Manziel will be director of the substance abuse rules committee and Greg Hardy and Ray Rice will serve on the domestic abuse advisory committee.  Truly the NFL will soon stand for “Not For Long”.  

5. Pay to Play — for four years, all college athletes will be payed a percentage of the revenue all sports bring in to their university for whom they play.  As such, all college athletes will be required to attend college for four years (no “one and done” rule like college basketball and the NBA follow today — which is completely ridiculous), they will be required to hold a 3.0 grade point average, and they will be forbidden to have any social media presence.

There you go, great ideas for us to try that make as much sense as Daylight Savings Time.  Now, CR is going back to bed — he still smells like coffee — which actually is good, but the whole incident has really made him cranky.

Crankeverend……..Out!