I Want To Go To Plow School –Seriously!

The blizzard of January 2016 taught Crankeverend (CR) several things.  

First, it taught CR that people do actually forget how to drive in snow from one winter to the next.  CR could understand if he lived in Georgia — where the opportunity to drive in snow is almost nil.  But CR does not live in Georgia, and there are ample opportunities to drive in snow — but CR also lives among people who apparently have short memories.  The equation is easy — stay off the roads until the streets have been plowed, and if you are “really” uncomfortable driving in the snow, stay off the roads until the streets have been plowed.   After all, we do not live in the 70’s when predicting the weather was a bit more tenuous.  With all of the weather models paraded out for us a full week before the weather event, it is easy to see that we might get a significant amount of snow, and as such allows people to get their panic going sooner.  So there is plenty of time to rush to the grocery story to buy the four extra packs of toilet paper, the two extra gallons of milk, and a coop full of eggs and then hunker down for a couple of days before the snow even begins.  In other words, take this cranky pastor’s advice, if you have to go somewhere, like work, call a friend and have them take you if you are not comfortable driving in snow.  But for gosh “Cranky” sakes (sorry about my language) stay off the roads.  You are single handedly raising my “Crank-o-meter” (trademarked).

Second, the blizzard taught CR that some snow plow drivers, the amateurs now mind you, not the professionals at PA DOT (Crankeverend knows where his bread is buttered), but some of the “I bought a truck so I could throw a plow on the front and make some extra money” drivers don’t know what to do other than push the snow around.  That is what happened in CR’s parking lot.  When the snow had finally stopped, he discovered that the church parking lot was plowed, or should Crankeverend say, that the snow had been pushed all around the lot, but the “driver” dumped the snow into more parking spaces than were cleared, and actually blocked the only exit from the parking lot with a ten foot wall of snow.  Shame on Crankastor! Here he thought that plowing meant clearing away the snow.  Obviously, CR is delusional.    

And finally, Crankeverend is now looking to go to snow plow school as soon as he buys a truck and throws a snow plow on the front of it.  Why?  Well because CR discovered why the “I bought a truck so I could throw a plow on the front and make some extra money” guy or gal bought the truck and threw a plow on the front — because not only are they making some “extra” money, but some of them are making “two boat payments and a mortgage payment” amount of money.  “Holy Crap” was the quote when Crankeverend opened the bill from “Mr. Plow”.  Yes, this cranky pastor realizes it was a blizzard but “Holy Crap”.   When added up Crankeverend realized that bill was worth “three funerals and a wedding” kind of money — with just one parking lot — and all they did was push the snow around and block our only exit.

So, if you see a VW Jetta with a plow stuck to the front of it, wave at CR — five more parking lots and he can buy the truck.  And if you were the plow driver who pushed around the snow in our church parking lot, next time at least put a door in the snow wall — that way Crankeverend has an escape route when the congregation revolts and wants to put his head on a snow-pastor….

Crankeverend…..Out!