Some people may wonder why I am a Cranky Pastor. Well, I know that many in my family will say that I have been cranky most of my life, but there are reasons that Crankeverend is the way he is, some that go beyond the terrible stories of his life that are passed on from sibling to sibling, teacher to teacher in his high school, or congregant to congregant in the church he attended as a youth. But here are a few examples from his days as a pastor that have made him the Crankastor he is today.
There was the occasion when Crankeverend (CR) was holding a bible study, on a Wednesday evening, like any good pastor should be doing (even the cranky ones). Out of the corner of his eye he sees his phone light up. CR has the forethought to turn his ringer off, but leaves the phone on in case there is an emergency. And in that spirit, CR sees that it is a member of the church calling. He asks the bible study participants to read the next lesson, and he quickly tries to pick up the call, which he misses — and waits for the voicemail message to light up. When CR listens to the message it states in part: “Crankastor, it’s me (name withheld to protect the innocent) and I am at the church finishing a meeting, not sure where you are, but here are some things you should know.” With his crankiness rising, CR looks at his watch to see it is 7:35 pm. What do the congregants think I am doing on a Wednesday evening from 7:00 to 8:00 pm? Another notch in CR’s cranky belt.
Crankeverend was serving in a congregation, and being the new guy, he waited a long time before he suggested any significant changes to ministry or practice. One of those first decisions was the bulletin. I mentioned in another blog how the bulletin has morphed from a one page document to assist the congregation to maneuver their way through the hymnal, to a fourteen to eighteen page document that has printed in its pages the entire service (liturgy and hymns) to assist the congregation in avoiding a hymnal that is not easy to follow. Crankeverend’s congregation was using the former — and it was time to transition to the later. So, Crankeverend developed a trial bulletin that contained the entire service in its pages, and announced to the congregation that he put five copies of this trial bulletin in the back of the worship space for people to try. This went on for a year — and no one used the expanded bulletin. So, with his Cranky ego handed to him, he abandoned the idea. Six months later the choir was attending a music workshop in a different Lutheran congregation and when they returned to the church they brought with them copies of the other church’s bulletin. “Look Crankastor, this congregation puts the whole service in their bulletin, music and liturgy and hymns – everything. Isn’t this a great idea? Don’t you think we should do this?” Crankeverend forced a grimace — cracked open his lips and said – “That is a great idea. Can’t imagine why someone hasn’t thought of this before.” Cranky muscles — hardening; cranky neurons — firing.
Finally, Crankeverend is supposed to take two days off throughout the week. This is a real blessing to a cranky pastor, especially since most congregations only provide for one day off a week — and it better not be a Sunday. Anyway, Crankeverend does not take two days off in a week, ever, and struggles to take at least one day off a week, and that day is Friday. The church office is closed on Friday, so CR takes this day off as well. And advertising that fact is fruitless, because here is a list of the kinds of calls CR receives on his day off.
“Crankastor, I know it is Friday. Are you going to be in the office today?”
“Crankastor, I know it is your day off, but this is an emergency. Did you know there is no water in the soda machine?”
“Crankastor, I’m sorry to call you on your day off, but did you know that (parishioners name deleted to protect the innocent) has been in the hospital for a month? I would have told you weeks ago, but I figured you knew. Anyway, they are wondering why you haven’t been in to see them.”
It is a blessing to be called as a pastor — I can’t imagine doing anything else — serving G-d, even with a “cranky faith” has brought real joy to my life…
Crankeverend…Out!
The "Frowning Glory" 
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